Necesito dos de mi

Hola! I think that I need two of me. Somedays it feels like I can handle my "stuff" fine, and than there are other days where I feel...blah! And than it is all too much! However, it is self-inflicted so I musn't complain too much or too loudly. What am I doing you wonder? Well, I am working two part-time jobs; one is 12-14 hrs/wk and the other flexes between 16-24 hrs/wk. I also go to school three nights a week and try (notice I said 'try') to manage my house, meals, and something of a personal life. Which occurs on a rare, but still occurring, basis. If I was a hermit I'd just do homework and family all the time, but I have friends who seem to want me to spend time with them. Hunh, I guess they like me. :) But the bad thing is, I like to sleep and so I take a little nap on Tues/Thurs for about 2 hrs. Well that 2 hrs sucks up my time like a vacuum.(slurp!) Yo se (hate how this keyboard does not have spanish apostrophyes) que necesitar levantame antes de a las seis de la manana. Like that happens! Good plans, no discipline; is what I have. :(

M is being really good about my school and my busy schedule, but I have an underlying stress that someday he'll blow a fuse because the house isn't managed well, or because it is the 5th time in a week that he has to make dinner. I do not know if he will do this, but I worry that he will and than I'll feel guilty. This semester has been hard for me mentally because our finances are not the best, and I know that if I wasn't going to school I could work more hours and make it better, but I can't. Therefore, I feel responsible for a part of our dilemma. And the bills! Not the living ones, the medical ones! Anyway, it'll change. M and I have agreed that come the end of this semester I will be going back to work full-time. Wait! Wait! Family, before you get your panties-in-a-wad, I am going to apply for admission to OSU a term early. IF they accept my application, I will start my online degree in Spring vs Fall. If not, I'll see what other online classes BSC offers. The main concept is to free up my time to allow me to work a full time job, but I fear that if I quit I may find it harder to start again, thus M has agreed to see how I handle at least 3 online classes, a full-time job, and the house. Hmmm, maybe I should just do 2 online classes...

Here's my motivation: First, I have always wanted a college education and I seek the self-satisfaction that I would feel knowing that I was capable of obtaining a degree from a higher instiution, and got it. Second, now that I have kids to be responsible for, I need a college degree to provide for them. To get that good job with good benefits that pays enough to provide clothes, sport fees, school things, and household needs; requires a college degree. I can not provide for my family on what I am doing now, and with no degree, I will only be offered opprotunities that resemble my current choices. How other people do it, I do not know. However, I do not want to live a stressful life that takes me from paycheck to paycheck and does not offer me and my kids the option of: vacations, trips to climb rock, or kayak down a river, or bike down a mountain, or ski (snowboard for me!), or even camp in a pop-top. (M and I really want a pop-top!) I want to create memories of fun times playing in the outdoors, mom and dad talking to each other and laughing (we get moments where we don't say much because we are too stressed), or whatever. I am aware that in our American society that these things are considered "basic" and in other places they are considered "luxuries", but for now, we live in America.

*Sigh* this bloggin thing really is neat. I get to confess my thoughts like in a journal, and I get to share myself with my family and friends at the same time. Cool. Well, next time everyone I'll post pics of the kids. Since I know you're wondering: where are your kids?!