Today is better

*Deep breathe and...release* :)

Rejections are part of life, and I know that, but I just was hoping for this last job attempt because it seemed so complimentary to our needs. When I think of what we need, I get a slight feeling akin to panic.

I will pursue the other job opts that are out there, but I am very limited. This town is not known for its large, high-than-minimum-wage pay scale and I am also trying to find a job that would give me a consistent day schedule so that I may spend more time with my kids. But because I desire day I also desire a pay that could compensate the childcare AND our other needs. This limits me because of the pay limits on most jobs AND because of my lack of office administration schooling (ie. an associates degree in Office). So, maybe I'll be sticking with GM, besides I was recently told that the best job for me would be in sales. :)
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On another note, today is H.'s birthday and she is turning 5. I can not believe that it was 5 years ago that I had her! On Wednesday the 6th I resigned from Anchor Ins. in PDX and went to a Blazer's game at the Rose Garden, and than on Thursday the 7th at 12 pm I checked in at St. Vincent Hosp. to be induced. H. had low amniotic fluid levels for the entire pregnancy (never went above 7/8) and they began to get worried as I hit my last 4 weeks. So, since I hated going in every other day for "stress tests" (which was an oxymoron because they stressed me out) I delightfully accepted their proposal of being induced. But I told them it had to wait until AFTER I saw the Blazer's game. :) Anyway, sorry for the tanget. I had H. 10 (<11) hours later and it was the easiest delivery. I actually was walking the mall with M. three days later; thank you epidurals!

The thing I remember most about H. as she was growing up from being a baby was her easy going nature (with metamorphized into something else at the age of 3). She used to look at me and coo like a dove. Than when I tried to capture it with the video camera, she become quiet like a church mouse. :) She loved to smile and coo at N.M (big bro) and her laughter was like the ringing of the holy bells of the Church. She was so sweet and happy, I devoured her and so did everyone else. As she got bigger we used to call her, "Monkey" because she was always climbing into the kitchen drawers. And I just learned yesterday that M. was a "Monkey" too when he was a little boy.

Now, H. hasn't changed too much. She is one of the most loving little girls I have ever seen. She loves to nurture her toys and adores playing with N and N.M. One of her favorite things to do is cuddle with mom on the couch and watch a cartoon. She savors the moments when someone holds her and lovingly tickles her and places kisses all over her. She loves looking like a "princess" and wearing dresses that make her feel special. She cares about everyone in her family, and misses dearly those she can not see everyday. She is still a "Monkey", but now she climbs on the kitchen counters. :)

As a mom, I have the power to create a person who has a healthy level of self-esteem, or a person who is uncertain and easily intimidated. So far, I am not doing well. But that is something for another day. I love her all the same, if not more than before.

I love and cherish H, and hope I can be the mom she needs and wants.