Today I was very "liorah, marion, mom, dad, aaron, cj and whenever sarah is around, sarah"-sick today. I wanted to sit on the stairs in the kitchen and listen to mom talk as she cooked, or sit in the living room and watch a TV show with dad. I wanted to sit at the end of the table and talk like an adult with my parents. I wanted to sit with Liorah as she processes her recent discoveries of self, etc. I wanted to be in Mario's living room laughing with her as our children did something cute and funny. I wanted to be "connecting" on a one-to-one basis with my Oregon family.

I want to listen to Aunt P talk about her frustrations because it makes me reflect on my own relationships with my siblings. I want to give Aaron a hug and make it a tight one. I want to quietly watch CJ and marvel at her. I want to openly watch Sarah and laugh, and than shake my head with "i don't get it". I want to person-to-person talk about a brother who sits on my heart, and on theirs too. I want to confess my personal thoughts about him, and have someone physically hug me and tell me that they understand. AND know that they understand, and that I ACCEPT their understanding.

Today was a good day to stay in bed. (smiling)