Got a dose of reality

So...I had this coversation with Mark about a month ago where I said that I felt like I was earning respect from the kitchen cooks because they seemed relaxed, listened to what I said, and genuinely seemed to like me (because they shared personal life stuff with me). Well, all the missing pieces came together last night, and it didn't look like "respect" so much. Sadly.

There is this one particular cook who is a kind-of hard skinned type, and he has been friendly and relaxed with me. So, I thought I was earning respect because I didn't only tell them what I needed, but also jumped in and helped. I thought I had also handled disputes between cooks and other staff fairly well. I also thought he noticed my efforts on the other side of the 'line' and as a matter of fact, last night he was teasing a 'newish' guy and telling him that if he wants to advance he needs to put more effort in his work and than mentioned, "Hey, look at Liz. Do you think she earned where she is by just standing around? She still works like she has some place to go."

Reality check: One of our dishwashers is a young guy in his late teens and he has been talking to me about his girl problems and last night we had a long conversation; I was trying to tell him that he really needs to focus on himself and give the girls his age more time to mature, because otherwise he'll probably just get hurt. At one point in the conversation he asks me if he can confirm something that he heard. Warning me first he than says, "Is it true that you were going to get a divorce?" I stopped sweeping. "What??" I said incredously. "Well, ...(the cook I thought had respect for me) said that you were going to get a divorce and so he had asked you out, but that things got worked out between you and your husband. You know Liz, if you ever date ... I'd have to disown you as a friend." I am standing there with my mouth wide-open in astonishment. I said, "No. ... has never asked me out, and I wouldn't be ready to date ANYONE for a long time if I ever did get separated. Gosh damn! I can not believe he said that." Plus, I can not believe that ... had heard that I was having problems at home. I only spoke with my manager. S...! Rumors fly. Note to self: keep mouth shut to EVERYONE at work.

So, here I was thinking I had earned something leaning on 'respect', but it turns out to be some stupid infatuation thing. I am going to completely ignore it and be less relaxed around him, but I am annoyed on so many different levels. I can not express how annoyed I am.

Another BS story. A week ago or so I had a frustrating night with one of our hosts. I got upset that I kept seeing him stand in the bar chatting with regulars (he is only 17) and I felt like he should have been focusing his time on the restaurant with clearing tables, re-setting, organizing menus, etc. Basically, be doing his job. I talked to him twice about that fact that there were things that needed to be done, and everytime he finished some part of his job he was back in the bar. I began to steam. So, I called the GM and got his back-up for me to have a small conference with this guy. At the end of his shift I invited him into the office and we had a chat. I thought it went pretty well; instead of me telling him what I needed, wanted, etc. I asked questions and let him tell me what he thought I needed, wanted, expected, etc. We than came up with ideas for the future on how to deal with his "boredom" issue and lack of doing things without being told, together. He was tense when he first sat down, but by the end of our conversation he seemed comfortable and willing to make more effort. As a matter of fact, he did much better last night.

Well, I am sitting with another host on Monday night and he asks me if I had heard about what had happened to ... . No I say. He than proceeds to tell me about how this host (the one I talked too) got another arse hole ripped open by ... (another mgr.) and that she cussed him up and down about not working when he is supposed too, etc. I asked when this happened. Thinking, poor ...(host) he got hit by me and ... (mgr), but than the host tells me that it is was the day that I talked to him. I thought for a minute and than said that I had talked to him, but didn't yell at him. And, than the host says that he swears that ...(mgr.) was the one. Really???

Last night I ask ... if ...(mgr) had ever spoke to him about what we talked about last week and he says, "no".

It will serve me very well to keep my mouth shut at work. Very well.

G.M. Restaurant=(click)