Blah, blah, blah

Thoughts cross my mind like the grass that rolls across the prairie of ND in a summer breeze.


Today the kids opened a box of stuff from their dad. Nat G's birthday was Friday and she turned 4. Hard to imagine that she was once a small baby. I'd like to post pics of that time, but they are all on the old computer in ND. Mark and I were lucky parents-all our babies were adorable and very easy-going. Still are. Whatever faults we may have had with one another we can at least say this, "We made beautiful kids with great personalities." When the kids and I go out in public and I introduce my kids, I'm often told that Natalie is gorgeous. (yeh, I agree) In my mind, Noah is handsome; Hannah is pretty!; and Natalie is beautiful. It is because of her brown doe eyes (she got that from her dad) and her brown curly hair (also from her dad) that frames her angelic looking face. I will post pics later of the kids, but first they are going to get haircuts today. They are needed!

I managed to squeak out a 2.84 this term. (A, B, C+, C). This is because of help from my family, friends, and not working the last month. I hate to say this because I value motivation as an internal source vs an external source, but meeting Jeff kind of put some focus on my school. Why? Ready for the pathetic? Because I value what he thinks and I did not want him to think that he had met a "loser". I am certain that if he felt that way that he would have made appropriate decisions, but nonetheless... I also recognize that my success/failure at school influences my family (because they make sacrifices for me) and my friends (because they believe in me and desire the best for me, they want good things and know I can do it or have it). I am not an island, and I must remember when I feel internally unmotivated-to look at those whose lives' touch my own and see that I am not alone. If I can not find the motivation inside, I guess I will try to find it outside til I am restored inside.

My GPA has done two things for me this term. One, it took me off Financial Aid probation, but two, it put me on Academic Probation. Why? Because my cumulative GPA is less than 2.0. Yeh, I f*#!ed up my first term. My cumulative is 1.85 so I am not that far away, and my goal this term is all As, but will accept one B. :) I also dropped my load down to 9 credits (3 classes) and so I should not find it as overwhelming this term.

Yesterday I was driving over to my sister Mario's house and had a brief moment of "weakness". Actually I wish I didn't see it as weakness. The most I did was hit my steering wheel until my palms hurt (it didn't take much...lol) and refused to give in to the tears that threatened my eyes. Why can't I let myself cry? Lee does, Mario does. But I suck it up and tell myself that, "Now is not a good time. Save it for later." When is later???

I was angry, jealous, and sad. So many things were running through my mind, but I'll spare you. :) It would be too long to read. (lol!)

Well, take care and I'll keep you informed more on the kids later.