This post may offend some. I do not disagree with heaven or anything. I am simply expressing something that I have felt within my spirit. I do not feel like Jon is settled. This is not a bad thing and this is not a wrong thing. This could be just some pain of mine masked as a feeling of "unsettlement". Who knows. I don't. But this grieving process is different for everyone, and it is proceeded through by different ways for everyone. I have no answers, and neither does anyone else at this moment. All I can say is ..."I am feeling a confirmation with my spirit" when it feels like a truth of some sort has been heard by my ears. That statement neither states that a truth has been told, or that what I heard is wrong. It just simply "is".

"Thank you Jon, I would love a stuffed olive."

Dear Jon,

Today I talked with someone who said things to me that seemed to confirm what I have been feeling. It also upset me in a small personal way, but if you read my mind than you know what it is about. However, can you read my mind if your spirit is focused on one thing in one place?

I have never really been mad at you. More hurt than anything, but mainly I think that pain comes from sensing your pain. Still. Love they said covers a multitude of things, but I understand that someone's love cannot always cover pain. No matter how much someone loves you, if you are hurting- that love cannot suffice until you yourself have either forgiven yourself or forgiven another for causing the pain. Very complicated stuff.

This someone talked about how you were struggling with certain things and I feel the confirmation in my spirit; I just never could accept that you were 100% about your decision. I think that at the time you felt it was the right decision, and felt strong when you made it, but I have felt that in some way you later wondered why you did it.

I am feeling very separated Jon. Separated from you, from your spirit, from your love, and from the things that gave you vitality and life when you felt wounded and broken. I also feel separated from those that are still here, because I am out of touch with their presence and can not commune with them. I am not part of conversations, activities, their companionship, etc. I really think that I'd feel more a part of "something" if I could be near what helped make us so knitted together as brother and sister, and also as friends.

Death does funny things. It challenges those who remain living, and it challenges those who have died. It challenges all of us and our framework of idea, truth, and reality. It brings to the surface any doubt, or questions, we may have harbored regarding our faith (i.e religion), our philosophy, and our personal rules for living. No wonder why death is the subject of so many great poetry and prose.

Jon. I do not know how to talk to you. I feel that you are focused somewhere else right now, and that is okay. Sometimes I just want to know I'm being heard vs having it go to the four-winds. :) I accept you and I accept the situation, but please do not leave me out of it. I was not able to help you here, but may I help you now? I know that you need this someone and I accept that because this person is quite something, but if I can not help you...can I help them?

With lots of love, your sis...