Today has been hard. If I wasn't worried about repairing a hole in the wall, I'm sure I would have kicked a couple of holes into it. :) A couple of times.

Also, I learned something today. And I must chew on this morsel for a bit. Oft times we believe to ourselves that what we value and what we strive for in relationships (of all types), is what people will see in us. For example: let's say you want people who are authentic in your life because you believe that you are an authentic person. But, what if what people see is actually a person who tries to "please" all persons, be whatever the person they are with wants, and/or will try to make attention? Does that seem like authenticity???

How many times have we done or said things that we genuinely thought would lead others to see the "real" us? Only to discover what they saw, or heard, was a totally different thing. Their preception, based in part on who and what they are about, was not our 'shot-for' attempt at honesty, integrity, authenticity, open-communication, or genuiness. How do we manage that?

Is managing that being "authentic"? Because than are we not being that person who tries to "please" all?

I value and admire many traits in a woman I know because she is hardworking, dedicated, loyal, and ethical. However, she feels different about me. I understand though. However, what astounds me (in a confused sense) is that where I left her presence so many times uncertain if she "approved" of me or even liked me, she might have been gaining the preception that I was something that I try not to be because I was so uncertain and uncomfortable. But, granted...what basis she has is valid in that the conversations I've made might be actually what they were: attention-grabbing. Unmeant at the time, but subconsciously there.

I am just struck to mute (okay, to writing contemplatively) about how we can feel so comfortable with a conversation we share with another individual whether known, known through a friend, or unknown but for the moment, and later discover that what was heard and interpreted was so different than what we remember. OR! that we forget even the conversation entirely but the person we spoke with remembers and shares it with others. But shares it based in part on how they perceived it and how they interperted us as a person. So , it leads me to think that truth really, and truly, is all relative. What may be my truth, can be and often is, entirely different than your own. We may agree on many similiar things and feel the same about many similiar ideas, etc., but just even one single thought that is different changes the whole concept of "truth".

What do you think?? (honest genuine asking sort of question; feedback would be interesting to read)