To cute for words...


I'm too sexy...


"I am a Superhero, watch out for my super powers! I scratch kitties!"


"Whatever Aunt Liorah!"


Two beauties

Mt Jefferson as seen from the South-east side of Mt Hood


This pic is actually Noah's 1st snowboarding @ Hoodoo


In order of left to right: Me, Noah, and Liorah
coming from the Vista Lift @ Meadows. Above timberline with gusts of wind and ice crystals. :)


Noah on the same face as above.


Liorah and Noah.


Smile!


Smile!


Pose!

Update

I've been sick for almost 2 weeks (in bed at least one week) My family has been great in their understanding and support. My dad even stayed home one day to watch the kids for me.

Time now for me to get myself caught up on school and work. I am glad that I have a job that is so flexible.

Today the kids and I are going up to PDX for the weekend. Noah has been snowboarding once already; he had such a good time with Aunt Liorah and Aunt Cindy and they with him that he has been invited to go again tomorrow. I've been invited to go too, so I can occupy Noah when Aunt Lee and Aunt C decide to tackle the tough stuff. Lee teases me that I am at Noah's level; sad thing is that she is probably VERY accurate.

Things otherwise have been pretty quiet around here. Noah has been enjoying his visits with his counselor and our "after"session eating at a restaurant of his choice. Last night we went to Ruby Tuesday and watched the Winter X-games together while we waited for our food. When he got his burger he tackled it like a line-backer! Only to be groaning of a full-stomach 15 minutes later. (lol)

The girls are doing well. Hannah has a lot of friends and was just at b-day party on Saturday. I walked into a house FULL of girls all under the age of 8. Brave parents. Natalie is ready for friends. When she and her cousin Aidan get together they just chat about everything.
Hannah and Natalie get to play with their cousins while Noah and I are on Mt. Hood.

Well, I think that is all I want to say for now. Later.

Pregnant

...with so many thoughts, but I don't want to go through the labor of saying them.






What would I be giving birth too?

We had SNOW!!

The artist credits belong to:
CJ (15yrs)
Noah (8yrs)
Hannah (6yrs)

Housing Venting

Well, granted I have not really been on the search for long, but what I've been reading and what I saw today just dampened by heart.

Here is the scenario (as far as I can tell): I am above the line "gross income" and below the line "net income". So "gross" I do not qualify for assistance (even to help me with move in costs which are first/last(sometimes) and security), but with "net" I do. However, no program works with "net". And, then there are the costs of hooking up utilities, etc.

This bites!

Rent for a 3 bedroom is, by my investigations, going to cost a minimum of $675/month + utilities which on a salary of X/month for 4 is not entirely workable. Today I viewed a 3 bedroom MF home out in the country and while it was "perfect" it had a major odor problem! Imagine the smell of ferret urine! But, it turns out that there was a lady with chiwawas who lived there for eight years. Than we went and looked at another MF home and this one had mold issues, and dark paneling ALL over. The girls called it "scary". Both were asking for $750/month.

Reality...I strongly do not think that I can manage to afford that AND all the other expenses for living. But, I can not stay in my current situation either.

I feel...like I'd almost rather move back to ND and talk to Mark about a reconcilliation than face what lays ahead. But, I'd still ask for counseling and so, I'd still be faced with what I've got before me.

In part, I am jealous too. When Mark needed to find a place he had no problem; "Hey, I'm a single guy! Anyone need a roommate?!" Or, "How much does a studio/basement cost? What? Only $325/month?"

Also, I miss being married. It seems that when one is married, it doesn't really matter what the obstacle is because there are two people to help get the family through it. There are two people forming a coalition against the "unfairs" of the world, the "hardships", and the "pains". You seem to have someone to talk with about what is occurring in your life and that other person understands it on a personal level as well. It almost seems that through trial, tribulation, or strife there is someone who will be standing next to you.

I do have people who stand next to me. I am not ignoring them. I love them dearly, and am grateful for them in ways I could never adequately express with words. These are people who have shared with me in words their support, who have given me a listening ear, or have given me logistical support. Without them I would have fallen apart a long time ago. And with them I believe that I can keep going because they have faith in me, even when I do not have it in myself. Understanding, compassion, kindness, and love have filled my life and the lives of the kids so we can slowly gather ourselves together. It just all takes time.

I was referring to something that seems to stand alone in a relationship of commitment and that is not really found in other types of friendships, family, etc.

I know that something will come together for housing. I'm just worried about how I'll budget it. But, perhaps there is something akin to a miracle just on the horizon. :)

Things I want to say...to you...to you...to you...& you.

* Tears are falling from my soul. I want to catch you and let you sigh as the waves roll in, and roll back out with the tide of this life. You are not as strong as you appear to be. I won't catch you; unless you ask. You will not ask. My arms remain at my side, with palms clenched.

* Is it your voice I hear in, "When I'm gone" by 3 Doors Down? - "When your education x-ray can not see under my skin; I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends; roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone; part of me is fighting this, but part of me is gone."

* You call me naive, but I hope it could be called 'trust'. Possibly, not all of them are like that. I want to give them the benefit-of-the-doubt that they do not think of me like that. I want to believe that their intentions are of the best, and not XXX. Let me live in my "Puritan World" a little longer. Little by little, I know that my reality will be forced to change, and I will try to be wise about what I say/do.

* If you were here, what would you say? What advice would you give me? What words would you say? I miss you.

* "Tomorrow used to be a day away." Now is not the time, is it? "Nothing lasts forever, but I don't want to leave..." But, I will if I must. I will glance in the cracked rear view and wave "adios" as you stand in confusion on the road of your life. Maybe, I should "just let it breathe". You tell me.


Also:
Today a friend told me that their son had had a seizure last night. (this is quite possibly his first) I became very worried. But also, when I imagined Noah going into a seizure, if he had never been in one before, I realized that I would be very scared, and feeling helpless because there is nothing I could do while he is seizuring. I started to cry. As a parent, it would be so painful to watch my child go through it, and not be able to protect them. I still am hurting in empathy for the parents. I can not imagine where life will take them next. I hope that it is not a long journey of doctors, drugs, and strife.