Things I want to say...to you...to you...to you...& you.

* Tears are falling from my soul. I want to catch you and let you sigh as the waves roll in, and roll back out with the tide of this life. You are not as strong as you appear to be. I won't catch you; unless you ask. You will not ask. My arms remain at my side, with palms clenched.

* Is it your voice I hear in, "When I'm gone" by 3 Doors Down? - "When your education x-ray can not see under my skin; I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends; roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone; part of me is fighting this, but part of me is gone."

* You call me naive, but I hope it could be called 'trust'. Possibly, not all of them are like that. I want to give them the benefit-of-the-doubt that they do not think of me like that. I want to believe that their intentions are of the best, and not XXX. Let me live in my "Puritan World" a little longer. Little by little, I know that my reality will be forced to change, and I will try to be wise about what I say/do.

* If you were here, what would you say? What advice would you give me? What words would you say? I miss you.

* "Tomorrow used to be a day away." Now is not the time, is it? "Nothing lasts forever, but I don't want to leave..." But, I will if I must. I will glance in the cracked rear view and wave "adios" as you stand in confusion on the road of your life. Maybe, I should "just let it breathe". You tell me.


Also:
Today a friend told me that their son had had a seizure last night. (this is quite possibly his first) I became very worried. But also, when I imagined Noah going into a seizure, if he had never been in one before, I realized that I would be very scared, and feeling helpless because there is nothing I could do while he is seizuring. I started to cry. As a parent, it would be so painful to watch my child go through it, and not be able to protect them. I still am hurting in empathy for the parents. I can not imagine where life will take them next. I hope that it is not a long journey of doctors, drugs, and strife.