Count to 10!!

I've been told that my posts resemble a life of "unhappiness", but that is NOT how I feel (all the time). I just use this as something to express my voice, when it feels the most vocal, and it just happens to be when things bother me, more than not. Like for instance:

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morns I work at the college from 10-2(3), and before I accepted the position I asked a friend if she would watch my kids. I explicitely explained that I would not take the position if she had ANY issues with being availaible, or getting paid a low fee. She stated that she was willing to watch them and that I could committ to the job. Except in the last two weeks, our acuerdo has been relatively fine and complimentary. She has had to get a job, which if perfectly fine!, but it has affected her agreement (acuerdo) with me. She took an overnight job that requires her to stay awake ALL night watching mentally challenged adults, and they are working her about seven days a week. (Ugh!) So lately she has been sleeping while she has been "watching" my girls, and I started to get irriated, but didn't want to make a deal about it. Than in the last week, she has arrived late at my house because of side-effects from working overnight. Today, she arrived after 10:30, looking very much the worse for wear, and said that she would be fine after she got some sleep. "So!" I think, "You are going to sleep while my girls are positioned in front of the TV all day." Nope, not a good idea. I had asked her to watch my girls for two reasons; one, because the girls really like her because she plays with them and two, because I knew I could get away with only paying her a small fee. (I know that is rotten. But economical!) I told her to go home and sleep. (I didn't sound irriated to her, just to my hubby when I called and told him, oh, and to you, the reader)

My irritation is not so much with her, because she is simply trying to finance her home, but it is SO much more with her husband. He makes more than enough to cover their expenses, but his priorities are F.U.B.A.R! He spends about $400-500 a month on things that could be forsaken, but he wants to build up his body, and relax. Before he pays rent, car insurance, car payment, or groceries; he buys steroidal supplements to assist his goal of being a major body-builder (http://www.animalpak.com/ , this is a website he reads on our computer) or whatever. She than cries to me about not having enough food or his aggressive nature due what he takes, or doesn't take. At first, I was sympathetic, but over time I have been feeling more like: "It is YOUR choice to stay." And sadly, I have lost some of the respect I've had for her because of her choice to stay. She has the ability, and desire, to be something more than what she grew up in, but her choices of people, seem to keep her at where she longs to move past. Anyway, she has had to get this job to make ends meet, and guess what?! He put in his two week notice at his job, when she got her new job.

Dilemma is this: what do I do? I can not keep being late, or not showing, at my job because of her situations. However, I have no family here that would watch my girls, nor do I know anyone else that would watch them for a low fee. I committed to this job, and so I should fulfill the committment, and second, the paycheck helps us out. What to do?? What to do??

On the positive side, I hopefully get to study more, pick up the house some, and spend some time with N. and H. I really need to study, last night I got distracted with Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine". A thought provoking film, I could watch that movie a couple times just to think about the issues he raises.

Also last night, part of my spanish class was in a seminar that discussed sex (porn), sexuality and culture. Very interesting. Some of my views have changed since highschool, but it was still disheartening to realize that our society accepts so much more because of our "desensitization" by media and industry. If the media and industry keep pushing the boundaries of our acceptance, and we keep accepting them, thus raising the level of obscenity even higher, what will OUR children be faced with? Will sexually explicit ads seem nothing more than regular advertising? Will what we term as "offensive porn" be termed as "soft" or "moderate" when our kids reach adulthood? How will this affect their relationships? So many questions that have so many different answers.