I did a lot of thinking after I wrote yesterday's post. I did a lot of thinking before I wrote it, but I did a lot more after it too.

I do not know why I am concerned so much with mom and dad's choices or "business". I do not know why I am so anxious to see the family remain harmonious, loving, and at peace with everyone's life. I think it boils down to the whole, "I hate conflict thing" which I even had as a child. And, that I want those I love to be happy.

But, this is what I realized and think I have known for quite a while...it is simply not my affair. So what if mom and dad struggle? So what if they can not afford things because they choose to send CJ and Sarah to a prestigous boarding school? So what if their choices cause continual conflict in their relationship? So what if mom's decisions affect others? So what? *I do not mean it in a callused way.

I love mom and dad immensely. I'd do whatever I could to represent my love to them. But, I can not worry about what their choices do. It is not my affair. I am not asked advice, I am not asked whether I feel if it is a 'ya' or 'nay' to what they want to do, and therefore...who am I to say anything? I think in the openess of relationship I have the ability to express concern, but beyond that...it is the business of my parents to take care of their decisions. My opinions, expressed more than once or twice, can only cause tension in our relationship as parent/child. They certainly did not ask my opinion when I was growing up on how they should handle us kids, and why should I now treat their decisions like I was a part of the decision process? That is not right of me, and furthermore, it crosses the boundary of parent/child.

I hope that I am now considered a friend to my parents as much as a daughter, but there will always be a respect I must offer to my parents as they are my parents. I must remind myself that while their decisions may bother me, hurt me, or not make sense to me; I would not want someone coming into my life giving continual feedback on what they thought I should, or should not, do. I must treat them as I would want another to treat me. An opinion expressed in the appropriate time , or situation, is okay, but when spoken out of context, it is not very respectful of another person's right to make their own decisions.

I can love my family with all my heart and soul; and I can also let go of my thoughts which would cause me to harbor any form of judgement on them too.

I want my family to find enjoyment in my presence and in my conversation; not condemnation, judgement, or negativity. I can, and will, express my thoughts when given permission, but I must learn to not let whatever those thoughts may be negatively affect my relationships. In our love for each other we speak open and candid because we trust and value each other, and find a sense of security, even in our vunerabilities to one another. I must understand that openess of myself to my family is cherished and sought for, but even in that I must learn discretion in the time and place that I can be vunerable with thought, opinion, and action. My family wants me to be myself, as I want them to be themselves, and yet we are each individuals with our own sense of boundaries.

"Family life is full of major and minor crises - the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce - and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul. "

-Thomas More