I did not mean to hurt anyone's feelings by my last post. Nor, piss anyone off.

I realize very well that I have people here who care for me and desire a deeper level of friendship with me. I will not explain my lack of pursuing. Except that I am often tired. I am truly sorry for any pain I caused, those who are my friends here are important to me. Thank you for being there. (I mean this with the utmost sincerity, if I was in front of you I'd give you a tight hug and whisper "thank you for being my friend" in your ear.)

If the first response was from someone who I think it was from...I don't have much time. Even out of school. My day part is spent watching the girls, and I can not justify paying a babysitter just so I could go do something by myself (on extremely rare occassions, yes), and the night part is a) working or b) watching the kids while Mark does his thing; whether that be fishing, softball, or fishing. Even on weekends I am usually with the kids, or working. My house may not be immaculate (hardly clean as we speak) but what I do does make a difference, and I have to keep up on that, and the yard, and the van does not go past Mandan. So, if Mark has the Jeep I dare not ask anyone to go with me to Cross, or Medora, or where ever else. I am not whining, simply feeling like this is all fact. Plus, I enjoy spending time with my kids, and since I seem to work most evenings; I try to be home and spend time with them. Noah hardly gets to see me.

Yesterday, it seemed like I whined at the end of my "jon" post. I'm not whining. It is called...well, think Ayn Rand. I think. I need to re-read her books. And, I am using the resources that I am comfortable using at this moment. I am visiting with a counselor, I am reading books that help me think, and I am sleeping alot. There are things that I am not comfortable with here, but maybe I will be over time. It may not be right or healthy at this point, but it is what I feel capable of right now. As I process one thing over another, perhaps that comfort level will change. Fear, anxiety, and stubbornness, keeps me where I am comfortable at. Maturity will help change that.

Adios.