Today: tired. I worked 13.33 hrs yesterday straight-no lunch, no break. Well, yes I had a 15 min. break while I ran to Starbucks to get a much needed espresso, but other than that...straight through. I'm not complaining, it just happened because of inadequate staff and I am now managment so it should be that I give an extra little bit. But, today I am tired and want to do nothing.

I do not expect things to be better for awhile. On Friday one of the management team sprained his ankle and has been told to stay off his foot for a week. Don't worry; he'll stay off it. I imagine that he'll gladly be spending time with his girlfriend, playing video games, and doing whatever else. He has spoken with me about his deep desire to leave G.M and so I believe that he is not holding any guilt about being home-as told to do so by the doc.

Me? I'd feel guilt that other people have to step up and do more because I'm not there. I'd take a couple of days off and than I'd get my ass back to work. I hate thinking of other people suffering because they have to do their job plus mine. So, this week...I am probably going to be working 7 days. I have to find child care coverage for Mon./Wed. evening first though because those are M.'s softball nights.

You know, I got pissed last night. To the point of tears. I had a table of four teenagers who left crap for tip. I had been working 10+ hrs by this time and had seven tables (which is not that much) spread throughout the restaurant. So there was a lot of running around. I knew that this table was having crap for "times" (i.e greet time, bread time, re-fill drink time, check time), but I did not ignore them and made sure to walk by their table enough times to evaluate them on how they were doing, and to let them see that I was watching out for them. Every time I approached the table I got a total look of "whatever"(includes rolling of eyes) from the two girls. Who by the way looked like snobs. When I'd ask a question the girls would either avoid the question, or would just answer in sharp one constonant sounds. (WTF did I do to them?!) Anyway. I eventually preceived that one of the girls was not going to be eating anymore, and so I politely asked if they were in the mood to share a dessert between them all and when the answer was 'no' I asked how they wanted the check (together or separate?). Again, the eyes rolled. I was frankly too busy to regard this not-so-subtle attitude, and if I was to personally take every 'vibe' I got from a table, I'd have been suffering from poor self image a LOOONG time ago. I gave one of the couples change for a $100, which was about $74, and thanked them both for visiting and wished them a lovely evening. When all my tables but three were gone and cleared I picked up the checks and proceeded to pay them out. **JAWS theme music here** For the check that was given over $74 change...nothing. For the check that was paid by check...$2. But the worst...there were two pennies put into the visa card holder.

In case you didn't know...NEVER, EVER give your server pennies. (Unless it is for exact change, and there is additional bill(s) for a tip.) A penny is an insult, it is the equivalent to actually telling them verbally that they were absolutely the worst and that you wish that they would fall off the face of the Earth. That they should clean toilets with the mentally challenged vs. serving. I got mad! I turned towards our host for the evening who is of the same age group and just laid into him (Elizabeth-style). I made sure to tell him that I was venting not at him, but at his age group and once he acknowledged that he understood that...I started raving.

I told him that maybe his age group should find themselves jobs that actually required work and customer service. And, that maybe they shouldn't be so damn judgemental! Just because I am not young (I'm at least 12 yrs older!), cute, flirty, handsome, hilarious, or beautiful; does not mean that they can be so damn rude and withholding. That maybe they should get a job as a server and see what running for seven tables is like when they are spread throughout the restaurant, and that maybe they should see what working 10+ hours on your feet is like, and that maybe they should get their lazy asses off the damn seat!

Lucky for me, the host was perfectly understanding. I never stand around and talk for long. I am always looking for something to do, even it is not for me or my tables, and he sees that. So, I think he understood my frustration very well.

I do not mind waiting, and I do not mind customer service. I just do not like those that make judgements w/o knowledge and w/o an attempt at understanding.

____________________________________________

On another note, I heard that one of my sis's is having a very difficult time right now. Not really feeling comfortable with her emotions and/or not sure what to do with them. To you I say:

I love you. I wish that we may always be more than close. That nothing will ever come between us. I will always be here for you, and I will listen with love. Wherever you go or I go, you will be in my heart, and my hand will be in your hand. You are a beautiful person with a beautiful heart.

This time is difficult because there are so many questions and so many intense emotions. That is okay. That is okay. No one expects you to know what to do with yours, but whatever you do...we want it to be healthy and expressive. I wish that I could be there to sit by your side, or to just run my fingers through your hair while you lie in bed at noon. I wish that I could be there to jump on you when I think that it is time for you to get your lazy ass out of bed, but if I can't be there in person...I am definitely there in heart.

Take the time to find your own expression; and let it be something that you create. Not something that someone else taught you on how to react. You are than expressing your voice through someone else's. But be healthy about it. Because when you express your voice in a healthy way; whether through song, poem, art, or physical activity-you can be heard by other's in a way that makes them take notice in a postive way. They will choose to encourage you and will help you nurture your voice, but if you do it in a way that is destructive and negative to you and others, they will try to change you, and/or will not listen.

You are a powerful and wonderful person. You are deeply and passionately loved. And, those that love you only want to hear your voice. If your voice is pain, let it be pain and express it in a healthy way. If you do not know how:ask. If your voice is love, let it be love and dance in the throes of your heart. If your voice is joy, let it be joy and shout it out.

You are an amzing person who is fearfully and wonderfully made. Alleluia!

Amen.