Just a couple of thoughts...

First, Noah got elected for student of the month in 1st/2nd grade for his creative writing. The teacher said his stories are a joy to share in class, and that the kids love listening to them.

Hannah is doing well, and Natty G likes her babysitter. So, things are going well in that area. On Saturday after work, the kids and I are going to the coast alone to just be together as a small family for a bit. Mom has a client that owed her money so they traded "goods", and so the kids and I get to spend Saturday night in Depoe Bay.

For the most part, I am doing fine. Occassionally I have days like today where everything just seems so BIG. My job seems like more responsibility than I'll be ever able to manage, my income can not always meet my outgoing (got the babysitter bill today), my schooling seems overwhelming, the emotional needs of my children (particulary the girls) more than I can give, and my own personal stuff so...juxtapose with where I imagined I be at 30.

But than again, where DID I imagine I would be at 30? Honestly, I do not believe that I ever thought too long and hard. I know I wanted to be somewhere in 5-10 years, and I am working on that, but I think my relationship seemed so fragile that I was too timid to look beyond much farther than a year in response to relationships, etc.

I struggle with the ideas I have of how Mark is handling this, and I worry. I worry about him alot. I've put his number on the whiteboard so that the kids can call him whenever they want too. I've never held the phone from them. Noah once said that he considered this a matter between adults, and since he was just a kid, he thought he'd just let us take care of it. (this was when I asked him what he thought about everything) The other night the kids and I went for dinner, and I asked them if they miss their dad and they said yes. And, that they were doing alright, they like living with the dogs, and Aunt CJ, and Nanna and Grandpa. Noah spends time with Grandpa in the Scout, or in the garage.

I wonder how much they'll feel when we are living alone in our own place? Which is unknown at this time...my childcare was over $600 for Sep11-29! I know that is cheap in comparision to other places, but crap! That is more than some places charge for rent! That IS more than our rent was in ND!

I'll manage...always do because I've got great family, great friends, and an internal perservance that gives me the hope and strength to do what I think that I sometimes can't.