Can I be honest?

I don't want to work this job anymore. I want to go back to the credit union. For various reasons I'll save you from, but I just wish I could go back to the stability/safety of the credit union.

However, I won't. The kids need more of me than what I gave while working the credit union, and my relationship with them has been less stressful since I took this job. I'm able to be there for Hannah more, be there for Natalie, and take Noah to his piano lessons or his counselor. The time we spend while driving is good for us; we talk, listen to music, or simply hold hands. Tonight we were asking each other, "If you could have one wish, what would it be?" Interesting results, and funny too. :) On a side note here, when I asked Noah what he would wish he said that he would want all our problems to go away. I asked him to define "problems", expecting him to say something about Mark and I, and he didn't. I confessed to him that I was surprised that he didn't say that he'd wish for Mark and I to be together again, and he said, "Well, I've been kind of thinking that maybe it is better for you to not be together. I mean, I wish that dad could be close so that I could see him, but if you fight when you're together it is probably better that you just remain as friends." My mental response? Wow! Counseling is sure helping him feel better about things!

Okay, on to other things. School is...a spinning hamster wheel. Since I screwed last term up I have to pay for this semester and than I get a letter from the financial aid office telling me that since I have withdrawn from OSU I need to pay back the aid I got, but didn't need for school since I withdrew. Problem. I'm still in school. So, I got to figure that out. This semester has just been a financial headache.

Other headaches. I got a letter from the lawyer. Since Mark didn't sign the "Petition for Unlimited Separation" we (the lawyer that is) must now file a "Judgment for Unlimited Separation" which will than make us OFFICIALLY separated by Judge's order. After that we (mark and I) must wait at least 30 days before the lawyer can file for a "Motion and Order to Show Cause" and once that has been filed the lawyer can file a "Judgment of Dissolution". I laughed when the lawyer informed me that technically I am still married until the "Judgment of Dissolution" has been filed, and should I want to get remarried before that we can take a different tact. Yeh! Like I've even been dating much less corresponding with any guy as more than a friend. (hehehehe, I'm laughing so hard I'd holding my gut) But, you want to know what makes me groan even more so, my trust income for the lawyer has about dried up and he is a whooping $195/hr. Hmmm, maybe I need to go into the profession of lawyer...oh wait! Counselors can make that much too...never mind. :) (lol)

On a happier note, I've been officially invited to attend a "Ladies Retreat" at Mt Bachelor later this month. I am so excited! And, I owe a heart-felt "THANKS!" to my sis Mario for agreeing (I did not ask but the Liorah did) to watch the kids. Mario is above and beyond one of the most flexible women I know. Whenever I get invited to go off to the mountains I call her "Ummm, would you be willing to watch the girls?" and her response has always been "Heck yeh!" I don't know if she ever wonders, "And, where is MY invite?" But, her grace makes me speechless. I promised her once that when i have a place of my own she can bring her kids over anytime for any length of time. Now, I just need to get that place! I hope I have it before her anniversary so she can drop her kids off with me and feel 100% like it is "Payment overdue, I'm collecting my fee". (lol)

Did I mention that Noah is taking piano lessons? Yep. He is and he is quite good, I mean, he picks it up quite well. For example, this last session Mr. H was complimenting him on how quickly he was learning and I chuckled to myself...Noah didn't practice for two weeks! So, now I make him practice 15 min/day because if he has that naturally ability to grasp the fundamentals of music than he could be really good with practice. Plus, he enjoys plucking away on the keys and "composing". Funny story is that last night I was trying to play a piece I'd never seen and I hit a wrong note and from across the living room I hear, "Aah, mom! That was not the right note!" Thanks Beethoven.

Guess that is all the rambling for today. Oh, I would like to mention that Natalie I noticed the other day, is getting just absolutely gorgeous as she is getting older. I'll try to find a pic that gives her justice. :)

Adios.