The Best Sound ever captured by man!

Here is a link to what I promise you is the best home stereo equipment I have EVER heard! For example, I was standing in the living room watching a program when from behind I heard a sound, but when I turned around, NOTHING was there. So back to the program I turn, when I again hear another sound, and again I turn around, and again NOTHING was there. Turns out; what I was hearing was a very low level of noise played on the TV that could only come through a very GOOD stereo system. I have heard Bose, and other well known home stereo equipment, but nothing has ever come close to the quality of this particular system. And the really cool thing is that you can decorate it to your personal taste, not like Bose which has with only two colors to choose from. This system also has a bunch of other really neat additives that make it an awesome choice for a home.

Check it out: http://www.nucoustix.com

Con Permiso

I will be honest.

I have come to the acknowledgement (again*sigh*I do not learn easy) that most of my problems in my life are simply that; my problems. :) They are what they are by my perceptions, my prejudices, and my failures to "let go". I can not hold my problems as the cause of soley my husband, though he may play a part, it is again how I chose to percieve them that utilimately decides if they become "a problem". How can he win against an issue that has not been removed from day one? Or how can he gain acceptance if I hold him in a light of prejudice? Prejudice of ideal; of my own concepts of what I want for my reality.

This brings to light a question I must face too; is what I desire for my world realistic in the space of where I am and what I have? If I chose the things I want in my life, will the judgements of others be justifiable? Meaning, will their perceptions be more actual in truth than say, my own? Will choosing what I want ultimately bring the peace of "myself" that I yearn for?

I have had that peace, but it was had by simply being. In that I mean, I was in a place where I could gaze on the land (that has nurtured my soul) around me and ignore the weight of the world. I could float free while listening to the wind through trees, and water carried over rocks. If I ever got to be in this place again, and could chose to be there as many times as I felt the desire, or need, would what brought me to this, affect that "simply being" peace? Ahh, Does that make any sense?

Okay, on another note...last night after class I met up with a friend and we went to the "Devil's Den" (not really called that, but that is what the locals call it because even the Devil could get drunk there). While we were sitting and chatting at a vacant Black Jack table this older gentleman kept looking at us, so we eventually looked over and said "Hi". He asked us a couple of questions mostly how were we?. etc, and what country was O. from? (she gets that a LOT) When he looked straight at my hair and muttered, " I love your hair." I laughingly told him it was a mistake, but he grins real big and called it "beautiful". Okay, so he is drunk I think and my friend and I go back to chatting to ourselves. But I keep getting this sense that someone is looking at me, and as I turn around I see that the DG (drunk guy) is starring at my hair. He sees that I am looking at him and he mutters again, "I love your hair" O. laughs at him and so he starts talking with her again, and then he offers us a drink which to my complete surprise O. says "sure". I have a personal rule that I do not take drink offers from someone unless I know them, but O. is already taking his $ and so I decide to give HIM the tip. :) Eases my conscience. (lol) Well, now we are required to chat with him for a few and we do, whereas he keeps starring at my hair and mentioning how much he likes it. Well, eventually O. decides to get into a Black Jack game and so we abandon the vacant table and head for a more active one. I, again, am against gambling, so I just watch and try to learn how to play. One guy next to me was very good at counting...he made over $60 and than left. He said the decks weren't counting well. (?) As I am watching O. I feel a arm wrap itself around my neck and this strong aftershave fill my nostrils, it is the DG. Leaning on me he asks how we are doing, I lightly say "okay, but could be better". Meanwhile I am thinking, "And who gave you permission to touch me? I in no way shape of form have given you permission, or given you cues, that this would be okay!" I think he got the vibe because after just a brief spell he pulls his arm off and walks away. Whew! We see this guy a couple more times at the Black Jack table as he checks in on O.'s status in the game, and every now and than as I glance around the room I catch him starring at my hair.

Who would of thought? Someone likes the color "orange". Even if he is a DG. (lol!)

"Call me Pippi Longstocking, if you please"

Horrors of Horrors! I have turned my hair "orange". It started out that I wanted to put highlights in my hair, but didn't want to pay the big$ so I did it myself with a $10 kit at home. It probably would have been alright, had I allowed someone else to apply the stuff, or had more experience, but alas! it came out looking odd. than I consoled myself by allowing that I could just do an all over color (knowing the highlights would absorb the color more) that was closer to my original color, thus evening it out a bit. However, I did not want to get another $10 kit so I went to a Beauty Shop supply store(note:do not ask someone who probably has never gone to cosmetology school about what to do!) and bought some color. I picked out something with a hint of red just to give it a little lift. Little?? As you can see, I got more than a little. :) My hair has turned "orange". Perhaps in a couple of washings it will soothe itself, but for now, here world, are my cooper colors!

On another note, I am so proud of my son, N. Today was his show-n-tell day and instead of taking the normal 7 yr.old toy of Star Wars or what not; he took a piece of music. I have borrowed from my mom a tape of Celtic songs, and he has fallen in love with one titled, "Ga'nate". So, today he took it to class to share it with his fellow classmates. (Wow! What a kid!) He said most kids were paying attention, but some were rude and talking. His teacher liked it so much that they played other parts of the tape, and I suggested that he tell her to make herself a copy. He got excited, "Could she make a copy for everybody in my classroom because I bet they would learn to like the song too." Ahh, the innocence of being young. :)

Well, ain't that surprising!

Am I surprised? No, not really. However, I did not imagine that the restaurant was on top of things. What happened?? The GM got fired. (Yeh!) A gentleman from a Fargo store arrived last week and my first impression of him was that he was a whole lot more of the management material that a restaurant needs, so I wondered if he was sent to our store to "investigate" the management team. Perhaps I was more right than wrong.

First dramatic change was that on Friday, on a BUSY night, a very dedicated and hardworking employee was fired. She had told a table, when they requested something from her as she dropped off their food, that she was doing them a favor and that they should speak to their server. Imagine this said with sharp irritation. Anyhow, they were pissed to say the least. So, at the end of her shift, she was fired. Everyone was aghast! Yeh, she was out of line, but she has done so much for the restaurant; practically living there while her children managed themselves at home.

Then I come to work on Monday and was told that ...(same name as the server) was fired and I shrugged, "Yeh, I know that." Than they look at me and say, " When did you find out the GM was fired?" "What?!! The GM was fired!" Yeh it was a shock. But a good shock. :) Already things are running smoother. The guy from Fargo was the key in getting her fired, and I think that he might be offered the GM position, but for now he is just filling in the role. He is doing a good job thus far. Back to basics and back to things as they were when I first started working there over two years ago. PS., I did share with him my interest in management. He didn't say much but gave me the political answer that everything is changing at this time and that he couldn't guarantee anything. (*sigh)

My list of things to do today involve cleaning house (which hasn't been cleaned since Sat.), reading for school, and trying to think of something for dinner. I will be moving slow because I feel ill; sore throat, cough, and just plain "blah". I know that I have not been hit with a full blown case of "sick", but it is definitely coming!

Dedicated to my FAMILY...not MY family. :) ( I see you everyday)

I dedicate this post to the ones that I love and miss in Oregon and Washington.

"I think of you all every day. This year, since coming back, has been very difficult for me, as I am longing to hug you and talk with you. I miss your warm presence and the weird sounding laughters (Mario). I miss the horny roosters in the backyard (and the chicken raping ducks!), the Santiam with its huge Cottonwoods, and I miss the conversations that show how close we feel to each other. I miss listening to the music of the Irish whistle, and want take that offer of a kayak trip on the Pudget Sound. I miss watching cousins play, while sisters talk (did I mean gossip?) I miss my hiking partners (little and big), my running partners, my rock climbing bitches and jigilo, and my backpacking buddies (when I got to go), and my biking friends (note: Liorah & John kick my ass!). I miss the smell of dad's pipe, and miss listening to mom's latest "insight". Basically, I love and miss you ALL!!"

Count to 10!!

I've been told that my posts resemble a life of "unhappiness", but that is NOT how I feel (all the time). I just use this as something to express my voice, when it feels the most vocal, and it just happens to be when things bother me, more than not. Like for instance:

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morns I work at the college from 10-2(3), and before I accepted the position I asked a friend if she would watch my kids. I explicitely explained that I would not take the position if she had ANY issues with being availaible, or getting paid a low fee. She stated that she was willing to watch them and that I could committ to the job. Except in the last two weeks, our acuerdo has been relatively fine and complimentary. She has had to get a job, which if perfectly fine!, but it has affected her agreement (acuerdo) with me. She took an overnight job that requires her to stay awake ALL night watching mentally challenged adults, and they are working her about seven days a week. (Ugh!) So lately she has been sleeping while she has been "watching" my girls, and I started to get irriated, but didn't want to make a deal about it. Than in the last week, she has arrived late at my house because of side-effects from working overnight. Today, she arrived after 10:30, looking very much the worse for wear, and said that she would be fine after she got some sleep. "So!" I think, "You are going to sleep while my girls are positioned in front of the TV all day." Nope, not a good idea. I had asked her to watch my girls for two reasons; one, because the girls really like her because she plays with them and two, because I knew I could get away with only paying her a small fee. (I know that is rotten. But economical!) I told her to go home and sleep. (I didn't sound irriated to her, just to my hubby when I called and told him, oh, and to you, the reader)

My irritation is not so much with her, because she is simply trying to finance her home, but it is SO much more with her husband. He makes more than enough to cover their expenses, but his priorities are F.U.B.A.R! He spends about $400-500 a month on things that could be forsaken, but he wants to build up his body, and relax. Before he pays rent, car insurance, car payment, or groceries; he buys steroidal supplements to assist his goal of being a major body-builder (http://www.animalpak.com/ , this is a website he reads on our computer) or whatever. She than cries to me about not having enough food or his aggressive nature due what he takes, or doesn't take. At first, I was sympathetic, but over time I have been feeling more like: "It is YOUR choice to stay." And sadly, I have lost some of the respect I've had for her because of her choice to stay. She has the ability, and desire, to be something more than what she grew up in, but her choices of people, seem to keep her at where she longs to move past. Anyway, she has had to get this job to make ends meet, and guess what?! He put in his two week notice at his job, when she got her new job.

Dilemma is this: what do I do? I can not keep being late, or not showing, at my job because of her situations. However, I have no family here that would watch my girls, nor do I know anyone else that would watch them for a low fee. I committed to this job, and so I should fulfill the committment, and second, the paycheck helps us out. What to do?? What to do??

On the positive side, I hopefully get to study more, pick up the house some, and spend some time with N. and H. I really need to study, last night I got distracted with Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine". A thought provoking film, I could watch that movie a couple times just to think about the issues he raises.

Also last night, part of my spanish class was in a seminar that discussed sex (porn), sexuality and culture. Very interesting. Some of my views have changed since highschool, but it was still disheartening to realize that our society accepts so much more because of our "desensitization" by media and industry. If the media and industry keep pushing the boundaries of our acceptance, and we keep accepting them, thus raising the level of obscenity even higher, what will OUR children be faced with? Will sexually explicit ads seem nothing more than regular advertising? Will what we term as "offensive porn" be termed as "soft" or "moderate" when our kids reach adulthood? How will this affect their relationships? So many questions that have so many different answers.

Don't forget to check in your brain on Monday

Como estas mi amiga(0)? Estoy bien, pero tener sueno (too). *don't remember how to say "as well", or "too" in espanol*

So this morning I just woke up with NO BRAIN. Starting with waking up late, and than not remembering if my babysitter has her ultrasound today or not (she didn't), and the most guilt-ridden one of the day yet, I killed at least two trees! My jefe gave me a task of mailing information to all the minority students on campus, and sent me the file with their addresses. The file clearly states: all_campus students..., and I think, "Oh, this is the list of all the minority students." So, I push print and with awe watch the pages to print total 248! "Wow!" I think. "That is a lot of minority students. I'll be busy making labels all day." Like the hard worker that I try to be I start firing away on the keyboard making up labels, when it hits me (3 pages later)..."Wait, did the file say "all_campus students"?" So, I rush into my jefe's office and ask him and he says, "Yep that file is of ALL the students on campus." S***! Running back to the computer I try to cancel the job, but it is too late. The printing job is almost done. *sigh* So, I have wasted almost an entire ream of paper, and now I get to shred every single piece of paper. (anyone have a hamster?)
Guess what? Our campus, being in the relatively tree-less state of ND, does not have an active recycle program. I will have to track down a custodian to get a box for all the shredded material.
My guilt, established because of previously living in a state known for logging and fanatic tree huggers, has me feeling pretty low and pretty stupid this fine Monday. :) (lol)

Other than that! Things are going well. Right now, I am pretty tired and have two tests this week to prepare for; Astronomy and Spanish. I have not read much of my Astronomy so there is a BIG pressure to study for that, and my Spanish needs work.

The kids are doing well. N, is amazing me! She is very expressive and just so darn cute! She acts like a grown-up in a little body. I can not believe some of the things she has picked up. H., well she is one in a millon, she like to put things to bed. One day, I walked into N.M (our son) room and she had put his X-Box controller to nap because he had played it for most of the day and "it [was] tired". N.M has been tested for the TAG (talented and gifted) program at school, and he scored 100%. Yeh N.M!

Work is...work! I am actually getting tired of the stress of the restaurant. I do not put in more hours than other people do, because of other responsibilities, BUT the pressure to do so is there and it wears on me. My job, as trainer, implies that I should step up above and beyond what the average employee should, but because of my other duties, I can't. Work has called me in and asked me to fill in a few times, and a couple of times I said 'yes', and yesterday I said "I have other priorities that need my attention". The GM was not too happy, but I can not bail them out every time they want me too. I just can't. Part of me wants the money, but the other part realizes that if I worked whenever I had a moment, I would be too stressed out and not fulfilling my other responsibilities too. Saturday I came real close to just quitting, but that would really leave them FUBAR, but then again, it is not my fault that they are where they are at, and I can not be held accountable for the business. Right now, it is loyalty and money that is keeping me there. For I would love to work a job that pays what I can make on tips and keeps me scheduled for what I am scheduled for, and asks no more. This is why I go to school, someday I will have that! *smirk, wink*

Adios! Tenga a buenas dias!

And now for something funny

No sleep, no sleep... (sigh)

We have beautiful and bright children. They are sharp on observations (except H., but I think it is because she is just lazy!) and fairly confident about doing things on their own. So, where am I going with this? First, let me give some background info.
Well, last week we(M) broke N. of her binky (pacifier) habit, and to soothe the transition I placed a blanket and pillow on our bedroom floor, because there was no fussing about sleeping there. She started to take an occassional nap there, and on restless nights I'd lay her there too. (M. puts the kids' to bed, so this is when she wakes up at the wee hours of the morn) Well, H. has started to be perturbed about waking up in the morning and seeing N. asleep on our floor sometimes. I think she feels that N. is receiving "extra" attention.
Last night at about 2 in the morn I wake up to some whimpering. I lay in bed, waiting to see if N. would go back to sleep. Nope, instead she comes into our room dragging her blankie and her pillow. Whimpering the entire time, she sets up her pillow, situates the blanket, and tries to fall back asleep. I do not have the heart to make her go back into her room as she worked so hard to make herself comfortable. However, for most of the night she whimpered. I think that she might be getting sick, so I get out of bed at about 3? and look for some Tylenol, but of course we have none. (I am a bad shopper) I go back to the bedroom and cover her up with warmer blankets and than try to fall back asleep. Well, with M tossing and turning (he is sick too) I get no real sleep. Than! H. walks into the room at 5,
"Mommy?! How come N is on the floor? Can I sleep on the floor too?"
My first reaction (which is always harsher with her) is "No." but than I realize that I'd end up arguing with a fussy, tired, strong-willed 4 yr-old at 5 in the morning. So, I lay down a blanket and her pillow on the floor at the end of our bed. While I do all this M. is sleeping, I think, so when he wakes up...he finds TWO kids on the floor and no room to walk. (lol)
I like having kids, sometimes. They love you when you do not deserve it and give you patience that most adults would not. I am not the nurturer, but they just want me to love them in whatever way that I can. (that's why I miss OR, I like to play in the mtns, lakes, beaches, and rivers with the kids)
Adios!

Ode to friends (parte uno)

This is C.D., sitting on top of Argonaut Peak (8453 ft) in WA.
(August '05)

This is B.L., riding her awesome bike with her hubby (a bike fiend!)
some place in CO. ('05)

Here again is B.L., and her espouso, in a cave that
they spent time exploring. ('05)
See why I love her so?!

Well, I gave her a pretty good widgy...big sis' can do that ;)

Four siblings, beer from McMenamins...need I say more!

Before we left for OR '05, we had a party for Noah's B-day.



Other Pics of mis hijos!

From "Who moved my Cheese?"

If you were not afraid, what would you do?

Which in turn lead me to this question: if you were not afraid, what would you allow others to do?

"You are a very strong woman to be able to handle all the stress you have created for yourself (married,3 children, work AND school). I know you want to better yourself,and your life, and the lives of your children, but at the same time, it is costing you alot of everything to get it." -a life friend

This is a quote from an e-mail that I recieved today. At first, I was offended. I created for myself?! My first reaction, in its gutless form, said, " I did not create this life! It was created for me by the situation I am in; three kids, no career, homesickness, occassional lonliness, etc." But then I paused.

Yes; I did create this stress. I do not mind the stress so much. Well, not all the time, if I am honest with myself. I deal with the stress because within me burns a fire that (or what someone called "passion" once) pushes me to keep going when things look beyond my limits. Sometimes I wonder if my "passion" will be quenched when I have achieved my goals, or if this "passion" has been given to me for a purpose that stands beyond myself. And if so, is this "passion/purpose" a benefical thing for my kids? (In the ultimate scope of things.)

I chose to push for what I see as a "better life". I chose to pursue my dreams of college. I chose to not be there for my family, in the ways that I am not. I chose to sacrifice. I hope that what I achieve will make my choices worth it, and I hope that I will not fail in my choices. I feel that I can not quit, because others are taking the consequences for my choices too, and to fail would be to fail them as well. While there are things in my life that I "did not" chose; such as, three kids, ND, or M., I have chosen to stay with them. I have chosen to take responsibility for my children, I have chosen to be married (and stay married), I have chosen to move here (and live here still), and I have chosen to deal with it all. There may be more choices up the road that affect my current place in life, as each new event presents new choices, and I better be willing to handle the consequence from whatever choice is made, or not made. I better not blame someone, or something, else for what life brings me. Yes! Life throws curve balls (lots of them sometimes), but I can always make a choice. That is my freedom; and my bondage.

Don't you agree?

"For the human who must act, action must be preceded by conscious choice (the distinction between conscious and unconscious choice is one of the vital points of Objectivist ethics). First, the human must choose to continue to exist. Then the human must choose the manner in which to pursue that end. At every event, and in response to every stimulus, the human must choose, and each and every one of those choices must be consciously made. That is, unlike the animal, the human will inevitably be faced with alternatives but will not be provided with any automatic responses" -House of Atreides (on Objectivism)

No tiempo para mis amigas!

So, I want to be social, and enjoy other people, but I have two issues. First, I frankly do not have much time for it. To be successful in my job, school, house chores, etc. I need to place whatever time I have into my responsibilities that are a priority to a "calm" life. I want to be a manager at my job, thus I need to put lots of energy into being the best as a trainer and showing more assertiveness with the general staff (as dictated by the GM). I want as many A's as I can achieve at school, and that means STUDY. I want as clean as a house as I can manage (which is not much) and also with my kids, I just do not have much time to be social. Or energy! On a normal basis this does not cause much concern, but I happen to have a friend that is always inquiring when I'll be able to go out with her. This is stressful for me. I want to be her friend because I do enjoy her, and also because our spouses are good friends, but I do not like the pressure. Also, she wants to go out and have drinks all the time, but I am not interested in always going out for a drink. Why? Because it costs money, and what benefit does drinking have?

Second, most of "our" friends want to drink to socialize. Why? This is expensive, and it inevitably leads to topics of discussion that perhaps are better left alone. Not always, but sometimes. It also can lead to behaviors that wouldn't happen otherwise,and that are either the brunt of someone's shame, or the topic of someone's jokes for too many conversations following. Also, do I want to remember if someone I know did something that I thought stupid, every time I am with someone from the "group"? (For those who read this and know who I refer too: I am not pinning out any particular occurence in my mind!) Or do I want to be reminded of my own stupid behavior? Yes, I enjoy "our" friends, I think I just get tired of how our social events seem to mimick each other.

I am not indicating that I think that I am better than anyone else, or that I am bored with "our" friends, but I think that what I am saying is: I want to talk about the things I am learning/thinking in school with others, and I miss those that I could do so with. I miss my sisters, my life friends, my brothers, my aunts, and my parents. I could share and explore all sort of weird, enriching, and intriguing ideas with them. And the thing is, they interacted with me. They too shared their knowledge, or ideas, or questions; with me. Our dialogues weaved trapestrys of intellect and philosophy, as well as everyday stuff. I miss that.

Getting out and having a social drink with friends is good. I think that I just miss "my social arena" when I notice that I am partaking in only one type of networking all the time. I want someone to "analyze" my emotional handicaps with my kids and share with me insightful ways to overcome them. I want someone to encourage my growing knowledge by sharing their own. I want someone to tell me, "Keep going for that education L.! ", and see that in their life, they have the same convictions that I do. I want someone to understand my morals, ethics, and values. And I want to know that I know that they understand because we have talked, or debated, them with each other.

I guess, I am lonely amongst all the friends that I do have here. WHich is okay, it simply means I need to make an effort to find other people who can balance my network. I need to be part of "our" life, as well as find others (women!) who can be part of just "my" life. This will require the energy that I stated earlier as NOT having, but to fulfill that lonliness; I need to find it somewhere. I need to continue to cultivate the friends I do have, and find resources to make more that support that longing I have because I am not with my family and life friends.

Give me a month, I'll tell you what I've done. :)

Mi hijos! Estan muy lindo! (Taken Summer '05)

Taken at Wild Horses Monument in WA. The Horses are made completely of melted pennies raised by elementary kids from Moses Lake, Wa.



After a long drive heading back to ND, we stopped for a swim at Eagle Nest Recreation Area in Miles City, MT.


We went to the Oregon Zoo with Jennie (my sis's oldest) and visited almost all the wonderful animals. We left after 4 hrs, and didn't see everything!


After a weekend of camping we took the scenic way back home along the old MacKenzie Pass. My Aunt P had said she wanted to see a hotsprings, so when we came to Cougar Res., I presuaded her to drive to Terwillger Hot Springs. The kids were asleep, but we woke them and made them walk about half a mile in the dark. BUT it was worth it! They liked it, until after a half hour (which is when we took the pic). I fully suggest this place, however, you now must pay $5 to get in (during daylight hours ;) ). Oh, and for the timid; clothing is optional! Me? I suggest...if you want to experience it the way it is meant to be experienced...be brave! :)